Naked

i was sexually abused by a trusted boss, friend, and lifelong mentor for several years until i couldn't take the confusion anymore. i reported everything, just the truth, nothing more, nothing less. not out of revenge, but because i needed an objective source to convict either him or me. i needed to know if i was really everything he told me i was: manipulative, controlling, the one at fault, the one to blame. i remember the night before i was going to report him. i sat in my room...
More Description

i was sexually abused by a trusted boss, friend, and lifelong mentor for several years until i couldn't take the confusion anymore. i reported everything, just the truth, nothing more, nothing less. not out of revenge, but because i needed an objective source to convict either him or me. i needed to know if i was really everything he told me i was: manipulative, controlling, the one at fault, the one to blame. i remember the night before i was going to report him. i sat in my room whispering through fear, "if you tell them and they see everything as consensual and blame you for everything, at least you will finally find the truth in the confusion that's wrecking your life. that's worth saying something. your sanity is worth it. you're worth it." i've learned from surviving and healing from abuse, not just from him, but from those in my past, and most of all from myself, that i'd rather live in the light than be right. the following is simply me, raw, processing hurt, pain, confusion, depression, revelation, and everything in between. none of my feelings presented are conclusive or definitive. they were, at the time they left my fingers, valid and welcomed. and they are still so now.