Neela: In Bullies you talk about many different types of bullies. The common stereotype we have is of the kid on the school-yard. Can you tell our readers about the many different types of bullies that exist in everyday life, and how you might define them?

JMM: First it would be a good idea to just define bullying because a lot of people don't understand what it is. It's not just a careless comment or someone just being upset for a day, bullying is really frequent and systematic cruelty that is deliberately aimed at others with the intent of gaining power by inflicting psychological or physical pain.

There are many different bullying behaviors. One type is what we call the "head-on collision." This is the person who uses their physical presence or tone of voice to intimidate a person, like the boss who backs you up against the wall with his finger in your chest and is yelling at you.

Others attack in groups, they might talk about you as you're walking by. We call those the "hit from behind." They use malicious gossip and rumors. We see it in women a lot - most women use exclusion and that kind of thing.

The other kind is a person who bullies by control. We talk about that alot in relationships - the person who controls your finances and uses emotional blackmail. This person usually pick people to "take care of" and then later uses that against against them.

The other type is the "slippery road bully" and this is a person who uses humor. They come up with a joke at your expense that really hurts and if you call them on it they say you have no sense of humor. So those are just a few of the different types of bullies.

Neela: You talk about body language and techniques for dealing with bullies. Can you tell us more?

JMM: In general there are important things to do. 1)It is important not to personalize the bullies behavior. The behavior belongs to the bully, not to the person they are doing it to. 2) The other thing is being aware of yourself. One of the things bullies are really good at, and we interviewed a lot of bullies for our book, they are good at psyching out who they can bully and who they can't. They're good at picking out a person's weaknesses. 3) One of the things we talk to people about is being aware of yourself. If you have red hair or if you gained ten pounds, then the bully can't use that against you. They usually hit you over the head with things you aren't aware of. 4) We teach people about their basic human rights -- you have a right to live a life free of judgement and blame. 5) We tell people to seek out support, because one of the things bullies count on is isolating you. The more a person can seek out support, the less a bully is going to get at them. 6) It's important to look a bully in the eye. They feel they've won if you act vulnerable and powerless or if you lose your temper. Use confident body language, look them in the eye. Be confident not agressive. The bully wins, the more agressive you become.

Neela: Do you find that it's often the case that bullies were often bullied themselves?

JMM: One of the things we find is that bullies come from two different environments. One is where they've either been victimized in violent homes, either emotionally or physically -- or they were the kids who were victimized by bullies, with no adult intervention.

The other kind of bully is one who comes from a home that is overly indulgent and permissive and there are no limits. The bully comes from both of those types of backgrounds. Many as we witnessed, with the Columbine shootings, are kids who were bullied for many years until they finally became bullies themselves.

Neela: Who is the audience for your book?

JMM: Ours is one of the few books, the title being From the Playground to the Boardroom, that deals with adult issues as well as issues for children. There is a section on bullies in relationships, the workplace, we interviewed adult bullies, there is also a whole section on bullies in the schools. We talk about what parents and teachers can do. Then we also talk to what we call the 87% silent majority. Usually the number of bullies in a group is small and they would have no power at all if the people watching did something, rather than just watch. They found that in schools 87% of kids bullied were bullied in front of people who did nothing. So we address that group as well.

Neela: What kind of response has your book gotten so far?

JMM: Well it hasn't been out for very long but the reviews we've gotten from people have been fantastic. A couple of people have called me and said they've used some of the things we suggest for the workplace, and they've worked really well.

Neela: Great. Good luck and thank you.

JMM: Thank you.

BULLIES: From the Playground to the Boardroom
ISBN: 1558749861
Publisher: Health Communications Inc.